Hint

 The ultimate Christmas gift 🎁 is probably option #4, but only God's perfect will be!!!!!

...What I want for us...

 I don't want to pretend to be wealthy and actually have nothing, I want to be wealthy even if we have little!!

Its so big, I can't see the end...

 With my own eyes 👀 I saw the "Red Sea" opened with a path through for me, and as I reached the other side the water tumbled back in and destroyed my enemies!!!

Then standing on the edge of the "Jordan River" in the middle of flood season, I invited you to step into the water with me... and with delight a sweet path opened up through the water!!! Now as we glance back our hearts beat fast with gratitude!!

Standing here with you by my side, in this beautiful land, I gaze ahead... now we are standing at the Ocean's side... a part of me asks for the ocean itself to part, and yet this I know is not God way, for to sink or swim is the day that almost is here. See without the oceans we couldn't travel to new lands, without the oceans we couldn't float a big ship of our very own, without the oceans there'd be no waves, without the waves we never would ride high, without the depths that can drown us we would never be able to find the treasure buried on the oceans floor, and without the storms on the sea we'd never hear His voice telling them to "be calm". 

So, my love, as we look forward to the ocean ahead my soul trembles but yet the light I see, for the one who made the oceans big and broad is the one who made the doors that keeps them in their bounds!! Let's build a boat, let's build a raft- maybe it only starts out that small but let's float the ocean and go on a voyage to find new lands!! For this ocean God has given us as a gift, even though my heart is not used to seeing it, you see God made the ocean to keep us close, not to drown us, not to separate us but that we may float together on the ocean that represents the vastness of His heart and love for us as He leads us to our perfect home!!! ❤️😘

Speechlessness Talking...

  To be laughed at, to be called a fool, to have motive questioned, to be advised to move on, told to invest the resources in my own future! Asked "what if nothing ever comes of it??"

 I gave it all freely, no strings attached, just a gift from my heart for the treasure I saw!! Yes, great longing I had for something more, but to bribe and to buy I would not! 

Now what can I say or what can I do, for all that I did seems so small, so insignificant? 

Wave after wave comes rushing in bringing back more than I ever gave! How is this possible? An investment without a contract! "I love you" given with no demand of return! 

Now more received than I ever gave, how is this possible? But possible I know it is for it is the reality I now live! 

With grateful heart I bow my head to my King and I say thank you, thank you as I hold the hand of my best friend in mine and we bow together before our King and say thank you together!! 🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️

Unlocked...

The Familiar sound of the deadbolt bar crossing into the door jamb with a semi-smooth clunk! Security, safety, peace of mind?

Keeping those safe on the inside and keeping those out who have no place there. Or is this true?

For years did the deadbolt keep me safe? Or for years did the deadbolt keep my fears safe?

I unlocked the door and I left it unlocked, in fact I left it partly open-not for all to welcome but for the One and one who are welcome! 

Now, instead of locking my fears inside, safely and securely while all others remain shut out- with door unlocked and partly open my fears have no place to hide, I see your silhouette stand in the door as you walk into the room, no fear of discovery have I, for all in its perfect time, nothing I have to hide!

With no protection of locks and bars my fears flee out the front door running down the lane into oblivion, they tumble and fall, how silly they look now; I don't even wave goodbye for your hand is wrapped in mine!

I unlocked the door and to lock it again I cannot. With respect and virtue I know you will walk in, and already have! 

This room I call my heart and the door to it is unlocked, the physical world of mine with real doors and bars is unlocked to 👸 for to shut you out I refuse, no fear I have  that you will overstep- for virtue is your middle name and our King is our safety with His word we will live in peace of mind!!!❤️❤️🙏🙏

Unashamedly...

 Unashamedly my greatest drive and joy is investing in the success of those in my world!!!!

🙏🙏❤️❤️💫💫🤩🤩

If this is wrong, then may God have mercy on me and change my heart. Otherwise may God grant me the grace to stand tall though few approve! And perfect my craft and make it stronger in God's perfect plan!!🙏🙏✔️

I Appeal to Heaven...

 Like stepping on to a different planet, like an auditory specialist going deaf, like all my best dreams being in a foreign language that I do not know, like an Olympic swimming drowning on dry land. I do not know what to do. Like the gates of hell opened up wide, like the most compelling opportunity to fail, like almost  every insecurity ever know to me raising their voice to question my hope. I don't know what questions to ask. 

But this I hold, my hope, my confidence, my requests to my King, my knowledge that 👸 is the best and only one like her

Why is it that as one is freed from pressure, another becomes captive to the unknown??

This much I must confess freely... our King knows what He is doing so I cling to Him with nothing but the teeth of my heart and look to the day when face to face, hand in hand, arm in arm, and side by side we stand as one with the three of us!! 

Worth the effort? Worth the fight? Worth the growth? Worth the risk? Absolutely 💯 ✔️

This too will somehow make tomorrow better because God is King of today and tomorrow!!🙏🙏

I am here, and not going anywhere so much as God grants me grace to stand!! To the one whom is my best friend... I love YOU!!!

Could it be...???

 Could it be... Two of the most amazing hugs any human could give to another human!!! ❤️  Could it be I received both?? Why yes indeed I did!!!! 

Could it be though that I keep taking? That I keep longing for the absolute best, without giving my absolute best??

Have I ever given a hug to the most amazing woman ever?? I fear I have not... I fear I always receive... Yes, it is safer this way, I spare the awkwardness of rejection, or awkwardness of timing. But I ask again have I ever given a hug to the most beautiful woman in the world?? And if no, why?? Is not it my fear of her fear that makes it so?? She is most lovely and perfect in her timing, her hugs are always just right so I never could replace them even if I tried. But why would I not at least try to give a gift freely given?? I accept her gift freely given!! 

Where are you my reader?? Have you dared to give, have you dared to give a hug to your best friend? Have you dared to give a hug to those who mean more than life to you? Have you dared to despise the fear and seek the glory that comes from Above? Not for selfish gain but for genuine, honest, and right motive?

I know not how, but I shall not leave you to attempt this on your own, my best fried!👸 for we shall dare to live and prosper even if in so doing there is risk of failing!! That is a risk I must take!! For without it, do not we die?? 

The Hair...

 There it was... the hair... in stark contrast to the interior of my vehicle as it layed straddled across the center console. Far to long to be mine and not quite the right color either. It was no mystery where it came from.

You probably know the hairs... At the most inopportune times they clog the drain, appear in a casserole at Christmas dinner, cling to clothing and fly through the air. Some recoil in disgust while others shrink in embarrassment, ill-mannered kids will throw a tantrum and refuse to eat their food after discovering the hair! All in all no one is too crazy about them.

That November day I jolted back to reality... my car had been "invaded" by the donor of this hair, perhaps "invaded" is too harsh of a word, for she had spent time with me driving in my car. One simple hair strung across center console... as I closed my car door and walked into my house I made a choice.. or perhaps the choice made me I prayed  that I would never again complain about the hair but instead gratefully take it as a reminder of an amazing person and an amazing time spent together!!🙏

A Journey

 Oh how can I keep silent! How can I hide my face? No, I cannot!! For I have seen miracles upon miracles, I have seen the waters of the Red Sea part as it were and dry land appear where there was no way!! Because I have seen this I dare to Hope and I confidently trust that the raging waters of the Jordan River will stand still and also part!!🙏🙏😃😃 Even if no one is with me I will put my feet into that water! Oh how sweet it would be to have company on that journey! 

Help me my King!!

 Oh, how I wish to run through the hills picking the finest wildflowers like I have done almost every other seventh day since Sioux Falls!! But yet how can I do such a thing?? I delighted in it and looked forward to it every week!! A dear friend I must protect, and as we try and carve out what is right, as we stand appart for now, I appeal to Heaven and my King for help🙏🙏💐💐

"Open last"

 The morning dawned with sun yet some gray clouds, rain was forecast... would it make it a dreary day? A drive lay ahead and my aching throat was the greeting to my next decade... The card had layed next to me all night, now retrieving my trusty pocket knife I slit the envelope open carefully... the card had wrinkled some, the light blue stain that bled through from where I had held it close to my heart until the time to open it. There was the card with the very familiar handwriting... a kind and encouraging message that brought tears to my eyes, and there was a mysterious white piece of paper folded in half with the simple words "open last" the card had contained an explanation of the paper so with trembling hands I opened the white piece of paper... the more I read the more my hands shook, the more my heart ached and yet the more pride and joy that weld up inside! How can it be that one simple card and one simple piece of paper could be the most painful things I have ever received and yet simultaneously joyous? Now I have two prize possessions... 1 my old Bible from childhood, 2 the most beautifully painful card I have ever received with a white piece of paper that said "open last".

As my day came to a close I looked back and without any shadow of a doubt I could say it was my absolute best birthday yet, the most prized possession and gift that could have been given that day!!! I wonder if everyone gets these same opportunities? I don't remember hearing many people talk about them if they do, so I bow my head and I say thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus!

"Open last" 💔❤️‍🩹❤️💝💞🙏🙏🎉🎉

Into War...

A heart tore between heaven and earth. I've felt pain before yet never so deep, so invasive, nothing escapes its feel. Yet at the same moment I've never felt so calm, so happy, so confident of my King! I have never been more sure and yet onlookers would question my sanity.  🙃 🤔 

See,  this pain... can not freeze me for I take it to the ice Melter who shines His warmth into the soul!! What I can not do, He can do!

If my King leads into war I can follow with confidence 💯 and there is much to be fought for 👸, good and noble aims!! My promise 👸 is that I will only do it with our 🤴 help and blessing!!!

Let me hear...

 I do not need to see the lightning, I do not need to hear the thunder, I do not need the raging fire to keep me warm, I do not need the wind whistling through the rocks, and I do not need an earthquake to rock my world...

 I must have the still small Voice, that is all I need, that is all I want, for One whisper of that Voice and everything else fades into dim silence, and that still small Voice becomes the pounding throb of a beating heart full of life - from the soft command of its Maker and King!!!

To Grow...

 When we stop growing we start to die, to grow we eat. Feed your "heart" with the Good Word, and be grateful for the growing pain!🙏

Help Me Remember!

 On the days that seem like I'm not running this race wall, I look and remember that I wouldn't be running at all if it were not for the One who gave me today to run! So my King, I thank you for today, though others dash past me on their race, I thank thee that I am in this race with you! Help me to remember that without You I wouldn't be running at all!!🙏

You ask again?

 How can I be so sure?? Sure of what?? Sure of the sweetest I've ever had!! 

I have seen 👀 and watched all my life the ebb and flow of relationships, I have watched and seen that there may seem to be  no way of computation with live breathing humans, no guarantee of faithful love. So why do some give faithful love all their lives together and others do not??

The secret lies in a mystery greater than themselves, a mystery but yet a reality, a mystery to us but a fact to Heaven! Some call it faith, some call it trust, others would call it weakness! What is it??

Why am I so sure? And what am I so sure of? What makes her so different, or is it her at all?

This I am sure of- a rare diamond unlike any other mined out of the Earth, cut and polished by her Maker!! Anything I could have hoped for and yet so much more I did not know that I needed!!

I remember the first conversation, I remember the first meeting, I was wrong about both, any preconceptions I had were wrong for she was that much better!! ❤️

"That much better" was no comfort to me for if I thought I didn't stand a chance before, now how could I have any hope? I was left with nothing of my own I could turn to, nothing to give me a plan, nothing to give me a strategy. My only hope, my only prayer, was my prayer to God!

I was left dazed and stunned, why had she come into my world, why had our paths crossed? Nothing was going according to my plan, nothing at all. 

As quickly as she had come- she vanished! That is the day I begin to realize how precious she was to me!

I resolved that not a day would go by without a prayer for her, that her life would be prospered, that her joy would be full, that our Father's tender care would cover her. And not a day went by that I did not fulfill my pledge. Some say it is easy to pray when things are going well but what about when things are not? What about when someone has left your life with a hole the size of the Marianas Trench??? 

I had known that I would not survive even a casual hiccup in the road, and this was no casual hiccup! Emotional life and death hung in the balances- tilting on a knife's edge!

I knew I was already a dead man if I tried to survive this on my own, even though I know my God had helped me through all the other life hiccups, I didn't see how He could get me through because I brought nothing to the table...

...I brought nothing, I was helpless, and in many ways the hole 🕳 left in my heart was the least of my worries even though it compounded every other worry and even though it grew larger with each passing day. 

I crayed out to Him and I cried, for days all I did was cling to Him!! A week later I woke, my tears gone, my heart calm and one of the most important decisions of my life lay before me...

As if God was speaking to me... "You are free to go, you are free to move on, your heart is at rest, and I will not blame you if you do!" I thought about it for a while that Monday but taking everything I knew and had seen about her... I knelt down and asked my King if I could stay, maybe six months, maybe a year but let me stay and hope against hope for a miracle, for what I had seen was only a once in a lifetime gift 🎁. So I stayed, and that is when I realized something... 

She had taken part of my heart and forgot to give it back! so with God's blessings I went to find the missing piece of my heart... 

There it was, I could see it! She was holding it in her hands, as we sat down across from each other, the missing piece of my heart still beating! As we parted ways that evening I still saw her holding the pice of my beating heart. She was unable to give it back and I unwilling to take it back. Did she even know she was holding it?? I'm not sure. As I drove away I realized that she now held even more of it than before! I learned a very important lesson... when someone holds your heart, it's not because they necessarily want to but it's because you have given part of your heart to them. It's almost a cruel thing but a beautiful thing too!!

So, by heavens help it must be two holding each other's heart 💞  mutually for thriving love to grow!!! Even though I felt I held so little of her's I was determined by God's grace to hold the little sliver I thought I might have as a sacred trust! 

And that my dear friend is where my confidence lies, it only takes a sliver, one tiny sliver and God's blessing!

And you ask again why I am so confident of this? I am confident that God's will, will be done!! As I continue to ask day and night pleading for God's grace I know that he will not fail and he will not disappoint and his answer will be perfect, perfect for me and perfect for the most amazing woman I have ever met! Yes I am 100% confident that God's will, will be done!

And yet again you ask why am I so confident? I know that she is taking everything to her King and will do nothing without His approval and blessing!!!🙏❤️ This gives me great confidence because I can be open and honest, with the woman who holds part of my heart in her hands, and not fear to sway her heart only based on my input and opinion!

But you still ask how can I be so confident?? I have seen miracles, I have seen miracles stacked on top of miracles!!! This banishes fear of failure, because I can not make it happen, but my King is and can make it perfect!!

I know that 4 decades ago God designed me for this time and I know that He knew almost 3 decades ago and designed her for a special purpose!! I know we were made for each other regardless of if it's for life or only for a while!! 

There is no other like her ❤️ ,the only one of her Mother!!

This is why I dare to be so confident, my confidence is in Heaven, for that is where true and lasting love comes from!!!🙏❤️

I am confident of 👸, because I am confident in our King!!!!❤️❤️❤️

A Time for Everything!

 Lord, let me run with you! When I can not run, let me walk with you! When I can no longer walk, give me strength to crawl, no matter how slow, beside you! When I can no longer crawl, give me the trust to lay my life in your arm's, for it is then that I will fly with you!!!🙏🙏💝🎉

No ?

 When all standing, I had, was taken away, when no place left where to pursue. 

When even hope seemed to tremble, no path forward I saw. It was then that I continued to bow, a place wide enough for my knees, though trembling, to kneel.

I pled for You to bless them, and if there was a blessing left for me I humbly asked for it. Not because of hurt nor out of spite but only for Your mercy, and for Your love I did come, bowing before Your throne both day and night.

Then, in the middle of pleading for them, You only made my desire stronger! what was I to do??? Now I pled for myself too! 

Pleading with the Righteous Judge of all the Earth to stand up and let His will be done, in placing hand in hand whom he deemed best!

Night and day I plead for His will, night and day my heart strings grew fonder! What was I to do? But keep pleading to my King!

Then the time came where for another man I could not plead, I asked a blessing on him but I could not pray his hand to prosper in taking yours!

Still no visible standing I had, simply the ledge where my knees trembling pled to my King!

I asked His blessing to prosper my way, yet I knew not how, for how would He take one's heart and transfer it away from another?? It seemed so cruel to me, yet I had to ask, and His will alone I prayed to be done! 

Whatever the future held, one thing I knew, I could not safely venture down a road where I was only second best, so I asked my King, I pled with my King, I cried to my King to do whatever work was necessary in His great perfect plan!

 I do not claim to see the future nor know what His plan is but one thing I can say, all my prayers He answered very clear, and no question mark is now left in my mind should His good pleasure be to place your hand in mine!

A backseat to no one!

 My King, I need help and I'm asking for you to send me that help, may I be very humble and teachable, may I bow low before you!🙏 Yet may I never bow to another, may I be fearless to defend Your honor! May I never bow to anyone or nothing no matter how authoritative they be nor how scary my fears- let me only be humble and bow to You!