Looking Home!

 

Morning

 

The Gift of Feeling!!

 I have discovered that the most painful days in life are not the darkest days!!!

For to feel pain one must be able to feel, and to be able to feel one must be alive!

When the numbing dark clouds of discouragement, doubt, and depression roll in- pain is displaced by fear, dread, and worry as a fake impostor fooling you that you still feel pain.

When there is pain there is feeling!! Feeling of hurt and sadness, feeling of loss and grief,  feeling of joy and acceptance, feeling of love and trust in the arms of Jesus!!

Let there be no dark days where the Light is covered, hiding the pain to be had as a gift showing the dangers in life.

Even if I feel pain every day for the rest of my mortal life, I will be happy!!! For to feel the arms of Jesus around you and me is worth it all!

And one day all pain, suffering, and tears will be taken away!!

Thank you Jesus!!!

😃💓

Looking Up!

 

When you are hurting...

 

My Greatest Fear...

 A whisper, a premonition, a prediction, or perhaps a promise?? “You will lose this too.”

The closest I’d ever let my heart get to a woman, perfect beauty in my eyes, the sweetest days of my life, like the face of an angel she had appeared into my world! She came on timing that mortals do not plan, a gift from Heaven for sure! My greatest fear was to lose this gift, lose this taste of Heaven, lose the sweetest I’ve ever known, lose a one in a trillion, lose a once in a lifetime chance!?

A gift from Heaven for a reason unknown to mortals, a gift for sure! Pleading with my King for her hand in mine, notwithstanding only for His glory and only "thy will be done, Father". Day and night wrestling with my God, giving the gift back to her maker- for to have and hold she was not mine to be. Sweetest days though, not always easy but beautiful times to be treasured! What a smile!

I knew this day would come, I had fought it, I had cried out to, "let it pass", to let me keep this treasure that was not mine to keep. But she was only on lone for a fleeting four and one half months.

Would my greatest fear come to pass and then destroy me? A gift of knowledge as the day drew near to let her go, oh how hard but how sweet the time spent with my King, stilling the storm in my heart and giving peace!

In pain, what have I lost? ...My greatest fear will die this night! Instead of losing a gift, I carry the fruits of a short but amazing time! Instead of losing a gift, now I can be a gift too!

"Father, hold this treasure of yours close to your heart and give her a Heaven on Earth of her very own!!!!!"

...Now My Greatest Victory!! Thank you Jesus!!

But you may ask… Why did God allow this pain?   No pain, no gain!!!🙌 If you know, you know 😉

Sunshine On The Mountain ⛰️

 As the curtains of my eyes closed and my head tilted forwards, the hurry of life faded into insignificance as I began to visit with my best Friend! In the process of talking about life in the company of my best Friend I noticed a canvas in the corner of this room of mine, I moved closer to see what was depicted on it.

A flickering candle danced its warm cheery light across the painting, as I picked up the candle and lifted it higher to examine the piece of art. From the light of the candle my words can only scratch the surface of what my eye saw!! Like a canvas with living color and living objects, a three dimensional panorama came to life before my very eyes!!! A beautiful valley with lush green fed by streams running from the rough mountain sides, where the creatures of the wild found safety and made their homes.

From the vantage point I occupied I could take in a large view and my eye was caught by two separate parties traveling along the trails of the valleys below the mountain. I could see how their paths would take them up two separate route to the top of the mountain.

I began to wonder what would compel people to leave the beautiful green and pleasant smelling valley and venture up the rough terrain to the summit??? As I peered through the morning mist I could see something peaking out from the clouds that were between me and the mountain top, it looked as if it was a large painting or sign…

I would stay and watch the climb of the two parities! But I needed a way to identify them… one of the parities passed the blacksmith’s shop so I named them the “Smiths”, the other ones I named the “Bells” because the Church bells rang out the time as they passed by!

I saw many similarities between the Smiths and the Bells… Both were younger couples. Both were happy to be with their spouse! Both laughed and talked as they walked in the beautiful valley!

My initial object for watching the Smiths and Bells was to see who could reach the summit the fastest and be the default winner in this room of mine!

The Smiths were making good progress as Mr. Smith set a fast pace, no doubt he was a trail blazer! I had to smile… here was a man taking charge and leading the way for his wife!!

The Bells seemed to be lagging behind, from my perspective, almost struggling! If they were to reach the top first and win this race I had thrust upon them something would need to change!! Mr. Bell was not taking charge and blazing ahead, he was trying to walk beside Mrs. Bell on the trail and hold her hand… that craziness was casting time in “my” race to the top!!

I looked back at the Smiths, I blinked, and blinked again!!! Were my eyes playing tricks on me??? Could it be??? Was it real??? I blinked again… Yes, on this living canvas the Smiths were now five in total!?! This painting was unfolding at a high rate of speed in comparison to real life! I watched with intense interest as Mr. Smith began to lead his family up the mountain side!!

I noticed that the clouds had cleared from the top of the mountain and light was now rolling down its sides like bouncing happy waves of feathers, giving a pleasant and warm glow to everything it shown upon!!

With a strong show of energy Mr. Smith again started his family on their journey up the side of the mountain, what a sight of pure masculinity, Mr. Smith climbing from one bolder to the next bathed in the warm glow of light coming down the sides of the mountain! (for a minute I had to pause and look at myself in the mirror, squeezing my muscles and puffing up my chest in imitation of Mr. Smith!) Mr. Smith would excitedly tell his wife and children of the wonderful sunshine and in a clear deep voice tell them how to climb, were he had placed his feet and gained his hand holds. They were making excellent time but I could not help noticing that Mrs. Smith looked pale and tired as their three children clung about her and cried from climbing up the mountain. Mr. Smith shared words to help and encouraged his family to keep climbing to the new heights he was reaching!! I was perplexed though because it seemed that his family was responding more like they had been in an ice cave than on a heart working climb up a mountain. Perhaps Mrs. Smith was not cut out to be a winning wife in the mountain climb of life?? Perhaps bad genetics plagued the children and they could never reach the potential of their father?? Now the children were crying and Mr. Smith was visibly frustrated, if only his family would trust him and follow his leadership they could reach the summit quickly! It was a sad sight, Mr. Smith in his prime tethered to his wife and children, who from where I now stood, seemed to ignore his leadership!

I looked away… What had caused this?? They were so promising, they were the only ones strong enough to make it to the summit and yet that was not enough. I began to blame the mountain, it was too harsh, why would anyone risk everything to reach the top only to loose the most precious things in life??

I could not watch any longer my eyes and thoughts drifted… Where were the Bells?? Had they gone back home?? I searched the low parts of the mountain with my eyes were I last left them walking as they talked about their joys, hopes, and how God had brought them through hard times but they were gone from sight! I was about to return to my world and leave this room of mine when I heard the most beautiful laughter!?!?!? Who was making it??? I carefully listened for the direction of sound… my eyes scanned up the mountain side and there was Mrs Bell laughing with her children! Wait!!! Children??? What had happened?? I had been so absorbed in watching the Smith family that I had forgotten all about the possibility that the Bell family could be growing too! Four children had now entered the Bell family!!

In confusion I looked and the Bells were higher on the mountain side than the Smiths were with one less child. I determined to learn and be instructed on the “change of fate”! The Bell family was not climbing in the traditional sense but yet they moved higher and higher up the mountain!?!? As I watched I saw Mr. Bell beside Mrs Bell and their children in front of them climbing over one bolder and then another obstacle Mr. Bell would give advice where the children could get the best toe holds, he watched them climb. Mr. Bell would also help the youngest with a boost or at time carry them on his shoulders! He never blazed ahead of Mrs Bell and it seemed as though they both were directing their children. It was a sight of the most tender and toughing love that I had ever seen. What was the secret ingredient??? All were happy! All were exerting a lot of energy! But the progress was not driven, it was almost spontaneous but yet there was design and a pattern being executed?!?!

But then again why were they climbing this mountain in the first place??? I had to know!!! On my own and from my position I was able to reach the top of the mountain quickly! The most beautiful and warm Sonshine was flooding from the summit! As I reached the top my gaze rested on what I had thought was a painting or sign… But I was not expecting what I saw. There was no painting, there was no sign with bright lights.

There was a man with an awful burden of the most ugly and evil thing that had been laid on His back and yet the weight of those things did not crush Him. He was lifted up for all to see and He said “come unto me and I will give you rest”! From His hands, His feet, and His side a flood of light came and rolled down the mountain side like beautiful refreshing waves, wherever the light was life was bright and everything that was beautiful thrived!!! Then my eye caught a brass plaque with an engraving, moving closer and bending my knee I read these words… “Let Nothing Between My Soul and the Savior!”

The dark curtains of my eyes once again moved and as the morning light beamed into them I began to understand…

Mr. Smith was a good man but he was standing in the way of the light from the only One who could carry the ugly weight of sin, he was trying to be his families light and that is why his wife was so pale and his children unhappy. In standing tall in his prime and blazing a trail up the mountain Mr. Smith had actually blocked the beautiful Sonsine and cast a shadow over his family…

Mr. Bell had insisted that his entire family always be exposed to the wonderful light rolling down the mountain like waves of feather, warming and reviving the entire family! Getting to the top first had never driven the Bells actions for they knew this was not a race against another but rather their race alone and to reach the top was the goal, to reach the top together, to reach the top with not one of their family lost on the mountain side of life!

As I said “thank you” to my best Friend, He blew out the candle and said “now you get to decide!”

In this room of mine with the curtains wide open, letting streams of light in I tilt my head back, look up and say… “Nothing between our souls and our Jesus, full in His wonderful face let us look! Side by side we stand, no shadow we cast upon each other but hand in hand all to Jesus we surrender!”

Direct Line

Before times that now are, when life was simple and I was young my father gave me a gift all neatly packaged! With enthusiasm I opened the package and what a find to lay my eyes on, a telephone, a red telephone, a red telephone with the words “Direct Line” engraved on it in white letters!! This telephone was different than the one hanging on the wall in the kitchen. The kitchen phone had a round rotary circle with numbers 1 through 0, the “Direct Line” telephone had just the phone body and the handset, no numbers. A simple note was tied to the phone, with a gold ribbon, “Call on me anytime- I love you!!”

As I began to look at my new gift I noticed that there was not place to plug in the phone line like the telephone hanging on the kitchen wall used, this confused me for just a moment until I lifted the receiver to my ear and heard a voice saying “Hello!” In surprise I quickly placed the handset back down on the phone body! At this moment I began to realize I had a very special telephone, almost like a wireless phone! A slight amount of disappointment crossed my face, how was I to use this telephone to call my friends, and tell them about my amazing gift, without any numbers on it?? and just what did “Direct Line” mean anyway??

For a while after reviving my special gift I carried it everywhere I went and showed it to anyone who would listen to the voice on the other end say “Hello”.

On the weekends I would go to my Fathers house and He would remind me to use the “Direct Line” anytime I wanted to ask or tell Him something. As I got older I realized the “Direct Line” was significant and special so I kept it safe in it’s original box as a type of treasure!

Whenever I felt that I needed to talk to my Father I would go traipsing through the countryside looking for Him, see my Father owns a large estate! At times I would find Him talking to farmers, the blacksmith, or the less fortunate ones. He would always see me coming and with a look of love that only a father has would ask me how I was and what I wanted? But far more often I would wonder around in circles looking for Him, a misplaced step and I would fall down into a pile of quivering exhaustion yet every time He would find me, sit there with me, dry my tears, and tell me that He loved me!

As the years slipped by one by one my self-consciousness enlarged and I found it more frustrating spending so much time traipsing all over looking for my Father, I had walked these valleys many times before, and my heart had skipped for joy every time I was on the mountain tops with my Father after He found me in the precarious situations of my heart!

One evening sitting all alone in my cottage, visions of my past, present, and future flooded over me… and here I was yet again slipping into the valley of the shadow of my heart… would the circle repeat it’s self again?? would I wonder through the estate looking for my Father? again to tell Him how I’d failed Him, how my heart was hurting, and how I had no strength to fight here below in the valley as evil laughed in my face??

There sat my prized gift from childhood, safely preserved in mint condition without a scratch on it… as I looked at the beautiful package my heart, for the first time, took my Father’s offer seriously! Ripping the box open like a child at Christmas time, I slumped to the floor beside the “Direct Line”, reaching up I grasped the handset and brought it close to my face. Not waiting to hear the guaranteed “Hello” I cried out “Send Help” Heaven send help, please I need Help!

Of this I can promise you, it felt as though every Angel wash there and as my Father held me close the darkness of the valley’s shadow burst into beautiful Light!!!

The red paint on the “Direct Line” is showing the wear of frequent use and I intend that it will be used so well that all the red paint my be gone one day!! This was not a treasure to keep safe- The treasure is in its use!!

I talk to my Father on the “Direct Line” as I would to a friend, No, not just a friend- my best Friend anytime and anywhere about anything and He talks to me too and tells me how He would do things!! I can’t here evil laughing anymore and even if it did I wouldn't here it because I’m talking on the “Direct Line”